I have been contemplating some things from the 17th-century theologian and founder of Rhode Island Roger Williams, contemporary Christians and co-hosts of The God Journey podcast Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings, and author of "The Shack" William Paul Young... lots of things. Things like liberty of conscience, love, relationships, and control. I'm not spending the time right now to write out a full exposition, but I'll leave you with a few quotes that will get you started on a train of thought, a brief discussion of control in relationships, and a couple of additional quotes to prompt you to continue the train of thought past where I've taken you.
Grace is God's acceptance of us. Faith is our acceptance of God's acceptance of us. (Adrian Rogers)
We are more sinful than we ever dared believe, but through Christ we are more accepted than we ever dared hope. (Timothy Keller)
The problem is most of us don't know we're loved, therefore we don't live like we're loved, and because we don't live like we're loved, we do all kinds of stupid things to ourselves and to others that God calls "sin." (Wayne Jacobsen)It seems to be a natural human habit to motivate people by guilt, shame, and fear probably because it is so very easy. You manipulate relationships in order to get people to do what you want them to do because you need to be in control of everything. The more control you get, the more your sense of security and validation. You coerce people to do something for you that you would like for them to do, but when you coerce them to do it, they do it with false motives. You coerce people to conform their lives according to your standard of conduct, but when you coerce them, they do it with the wrong intent. And if they do not do what you want, if they do not meet your expectations, then you try your best to resolve the issue with conflict, or you give up and allow the relationship to splinter. But this is not unconditional love.
It's a pattern that is apparent in every human being. You need to feel loved and you need to feel secure, so you manipulate the people and the circumstances in your life, even in subconscious action, to attempt to convince yourself that these things are true. But the moment you bring control into a relationship, you rob your friend of the joy of giving what he could have given in love, and you rob yourself of the joy of receiving what he could have given in love. You cheat yourself of real opportunities for love and security. You cheapen so many friends by making them your pawns. And you reflect your own qualities upon God, expecting Him to act the same way toward you that you do toward the people in your life. But this is not unconditional love.
On a good day, coercion produces hypocrisy; on a bad day, rivers of blood. (Roger Williams, paraphrased)
You will accomplish more in the next two months developing a sincere interest in two people than you will ever accomplish in the next two years trying to get two people interested in you. (Tim Sanders)
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